Saturday, June 9, 2012

Bummed out and stressed out the past few weeks (mini rant)

 Being back home from school is nice and all but only to an extent.
I'm away from really good friends, inspiration and most importantly the love of my life.
I can't even express to you how hard it is to not see your boyfriend of two years for some months.
Not saying I don't have any friends here at home but they are few. I have one best friend here
and I love hanging with her but she has a job and lives 20 minutes away. Not exactly convenient.
Oh and while we are on things not being convenient, I have applied to many jobs here
and not one has called me back. I'm struggling so hard w/ money here. -sigh-

I miss being in the city. I miss being inspired by my other art friends and my surroundings.
I miss my boyfriend with a passion. I miss taking art classes. I miss being GAL! I miss being on my own. This whole living with the family mess is not for me. I really am going crazy here. I can't even summon up the inspiration to draw. I'm constantly forcing myself to even pick up a pencil and paper. 

I still consider myself gal but I haven't dressed up in some weeks. I'm never going anywhere
and I hardly ever leave the house. So I have just been bumming around not looking 
like the glamourous gal I wish to be. Some would say "why don't you just
practice your make up if you are bored?" And I will tell you that I have but I'm already 
running low on foundation and eyeliner and many other make up needs. And with me not having ANY
money it's kind of hard to just up and buy some. I would ask my mom for help but she's the only
one working right now and she needs to spend that money on bills. I really hate asking my 
parents for money when I know they are struggling more than I am. Not only is
not having make up a problem but my wigs are becoming ratty and unwearable v.v Just one shit fest
after another I have to deal with. I just hate feeling like I'm not getting anywhere w/ my style.

One of the things that are stressing me out the most is my schooling. I'm in this place where I have
to choose if I want to stay at the school I'm at and take shit classes or transfer to another art school. Now I have already talked to a representative from the other school and we kind of "hit it off" lol. 
So far I'm liking what they have to offer and they are in the same area as my other school
so it's not like a brand new place and I can still be close to people I wish to be close to. The
only problem is....I have to go through all that fucking paper work again.  I have to pay for another
application fee, I gotta write another essay and I have to submit a portfolio! I don't have any art that's worth showing to an art school! My other school never asked for one form me I really have to draw some shit this summer...and color it if possible v.v -sigh- We will see what happens, 
shit doing all of that may be worth it in the end b/c I'm tired of my other school. I loved the art teachers there but their program is fucked up.

Now my life isn't complete shit. There have been a FEW things that still make me happy. Even though
I can't see my bf in person I love hearing his voice on the phone and I do plan to visit him this month along w/ my friends. Just keeping positive in general has been keeping my from completely loosing
my mind. I have a new love for meditating and yoga so that has been helping
me out a lot especially when I get stressed. I feel like staying negative only leaves
room for more negative things to happen. I just needed a space to rant out my feelings and I thought
my blogger would be the perfect place lol. Ooh ooh! I did have like 5 bucks on card left so I bought some lashes from ebay! Woooo!! I bought some top lashes and finally some
bottom lashes! Only one of my top lashes came in so far so I'm 
waiting for the rest. -sits by mailbox-

These are the first pair to make it in. I like them but I was a little
disappointed w/ them b/c on the picture they looked waaayyyy bigger but I'm not about
to cry over it. I can just double these up and I have another bigger pair on the way.

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