Oh man where do I start?
Well basically school has been kicking my ass again. I'm always putting on this happy face as if nothing is affecting me. I'm trying so hard right now to not revert back into my depressive state which I was in two semesters ago. Every time I feel like I've lost I automatically give up. This time I can't really do that. For the sake of my education and my family...and my self worth.
I was given two options by a counselor two semesters ago. Either I get my act together and bring my grades up or get kicked out of the school. Some ultimatum yeah? -sigh- At the beginning of this semester I was fine. As the time went on I started to resent a certain class and the teacher and then my "not caring" attitude bleed over to my other classes. As of right now I know my grade in two of my classes look horrendous . I've already told myself after spring break I'm going to be on top of everything! I don't know how many times I've said I was going to do that but I can't stop saying to myself now or I won't even try!
One of classes that I have been having the most trouble in, I'm worried about. It's not necessarily the work but the teacher. She is very forward, condescending and intimidating. It's so obvious she doesn't like me. Just by looking in her eyes you can almost tell what she's thinking of me; "I don't know why you are here. Please drop out of my class you nit wit." I know that seems harsh but I swear the way she acts around me is as if I've cursed her out or talked about her mother. Yes I realize I don't always have my homework turned in but is that really a good reason to act like a bitch towards someone? Obviously I'm struggling why won't she just talk to me? I would go talk to her myself but I'm afraid she might say something bitchy and just push me to the side. I'm not the only one who feels this way though. She chews everyone out in class...no one is safe. Even her favorites get told off from time to time. I would of dropped out by now like so many other students have done already but I only have four classes. Which means I'm worried if I won't have enough credits to be considered a full time student for my financial aid. But I'm also thinking since I have already received my financial aid they can't take it away now right? I dunno...I guess I need to talk to a counselor again about that. Honestly, b/c of this teacher she makes me feel like I'm stupid...like I have nothing of worth to say so I should leave. I feel like crying after that class every time. I know that I am smart and little does she know that half that shit she talks about in class I'm already fucking aware of. That's right bitch! I'm smart, cultured and well rounded thanks to my parents and friends...NOT YOU! >8(
Well anyway basically school is stressful and I'm trying to push through. I'm sorry for ranting on here. I know you guys would rather see something more uplifting and fun but I needed to get this off my chest.
I hope you all are doing well with school or what ever endeavor you have in life.